The Patriarchy and Sexual Abuse
MYSTIC POP July/Aug 2008
The Patriarchy and Sexual Abuse
By Deborah King
In April and May, 2008, San Angelo, Texas, hosted the largest custody case in history. Although the state may have overstepped its bounds in its effort to protect more than 400 children of the Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (FLDS) polygamist sect, it was done in good faith that they were acting in the best interests of the children. The Department of Family and Protective Services bluntly stated that “this case is about adult men commanding sex from underage children; about adult women knowingly condoning and allowing sexual abuse of underage children.”
As of the beginning of June, the children were taken out of foster care and returned to their mothers, but the state’s attention on the sect’s children has not diminished. They are now heading in the direction of prosecuting the men who were having sexual relations with girls under the age of 16, a much more difficult case to prove. My heart goes out to the young 12- and 13-year-old girls who were “married” to men old enough to be their fathers or grandfathers.
As an attorney, I was in a unique position to participate in what was happening in Texas. Once there, I discovered I was the only attorney in over 100 present that was sympathetic to the state’s case; all others represented various family members of the sect.
As a correspondent for The Huffington Post , I posted my observations on their site. I saw for myself the mothers in floor-length pioneer dresses buttoned up the neck and down the wrist, all in the same pattern, their long underwear peeking out, their uncut hair pulled up in a pompadour. I wanted to ask these mothers what could possibly have compelled them to stand by and watch while their underage daughters were handed over to men old enough to be their grandfathers—men who already had any number of wives and a passel of children. Men who were often close relatives.
What has been pulled over these women's eyes that they didn't see this as abuse? How do they feel when their young teenage sons (future competition for the older men) are taken from the compound in the middle of the night and dumped on a faraway roadside to fend for themselves? Do they not see this as barbaric? Does it not turn their stomachs the way it turns mine???
No doubt these women have been subject to systematic victimization. They fear the patriarch and give up their own mind. The fear of God and the patriarch’s ability to deny them a heavenly reward have permanently shut them up. To a woman, these wives and mothers could not look squarely at the camera. When questioned on the Larry King Show if underage girls are forced to marry older men, all the women gave the same stock response: "Not that I'm aware of."
The women barely speak much above a whisper. The judges in Texas were always asking them to speak up, but how could they? If they are obedient to the tenets of their beliefs, as in any totalitarian society, they don’t retain much sense of self. And all the women speak in “sweet” little girl voices. In the “outside” world, that’s usually a sign of a woman who has been abused. And if we consider the line these women have to toe to be in “perfect obedience” to their husbands—in order to earn a place in the celestial kingdom of the afterlife—it’s no wonder they don’t grow up to be strong-minded independent women who can fully inhabit their womanly selves.
But complicity is its own form of abuse. Carolyn Jessup, a former cult member and 6th generation polygamist, refused to take the complicit route; she took action instead. When she realized that her eldest daughter would be next in line for statutory rape under the guise of marriage, she chose to escape. She gathered up her eight children and fled. Interviewed on TV during the custody hearings, she laid it on the line, saying: "Every mother is born with a protective instinct—these mothers know that it's an unsafe environment." Thank you, Carolyn for showing us the courage it takes to speak the truth and keep your children safe.
By and large, the articles I did for The Huffington Post didn’t cause a big stir— until I wrote about the now-infamous picture of “the kiss.” Several photos were released that showed sect leader Warren Jeffs deeply kissing a 12-year-old child.
Jeffs is currently in jail, convicted in Utah of being an accomplice to rape in the marriage of a 14-year-old to her 19-year-old first cousin (the 14-year-old was Elissa Wall, who published a book called Stolen Innocence about growing up in the cult). Those who have left the cult have written about the main FLDS religious belief—The Principle of Plural Marriage—and the abuse that it engenders.
Carolyn Jessop says it best in her book, Escape : “Warren Jeffs had our community in a chokehold. I noticed that people’s faces now seemed devoid of expression. It was as if they were afraid even to look like they might be thinking. The life seemed drained from their faces. They acted as if emotions had been outlawed. People were determined to ‘keep sweet’ even if it killed them. There was no arguing or questioning. But by ‘keeping sweet’ we lost all our power.”
As for that kiss in the photo possibly being anything other than a wedding photo? A man in FLDS can have physical contact with a female only if they are married. Period.
Suddenly, people could see the abuse. The key word is “seeing,” as in “seeing is believing.” And it made a difference. Hundreds of people commented on that blog, horrified, as well we all should be.
It’s an old, old story. Abuse happens in secret. It is the big lie that requires complicity from those who know what’s happening. It is kept from view. And it eats away at the insides of those involved. Children who have been sexually abused are 2.5 times more likely to abuse alcohol and 3.8 times more likely to become addicted to drugs. (www.childhelp.org/resources/learning-center/statistics)
When women are silenced by the men who “rule” over them—the patriarchal heads of religions or of households, they fear to speak and thus continue the cycle of abuse. If you or anyone you know has been sexually abused, or you suspect a child is being abused, speak out! There are numerous hotlines to report abuse. Let’s bring sexual abuse out from under wraps. Let’s protect the innocence of children, and our own integrity.
What we hide can indeed hurt us.
SIDEBAR
RAINN (Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network)—the nation’s largest anti-sexual assault organization. RAINN created and operates the National Sexual Assault Hotlines (800.656.HOPE and rainn.org) in partnership with over 1,100 local rape crisis centers across the country. The hotlines have helped more than 1.2 million people since 1994. RAINN also carries out programs to prevent sexual assault, help victims, and ensure that rapists are brought to justice.
RAINN now has a confidential ONLINE National Hotline for sexual assault at
