Truth In Dating
A friend of mine recently fell in love. After a long stretch of meeting the wrong guys, she finally met Mr. Right through an internet match-making service on which she had gently “finessed” some of the details about her life, such as her age. She’s about to turn 60; he’ll hit the big 5-0 in another five years. She’s in great physical shape, looks fantastic, and can easily pass for at least ten years younger than she is, but now she’s terrified. Will he get turned off when he finds out how old she really is? And worse than that, how will he feel about the fact she lied to him and that she couldn’t trust him to love her… no matter what?
I have to admit to a guilty pleasure here… I sometimes watch Tyra Bank’s show “America’s Next Top Model.” One of the girls on a recent show (well, recent to me) totally impressed me. When the judges told her that top models don’t wear glasses (at least not in public), she held her head up high and said,“I’m legally blind. I’ll be totally blind by the time I’m 30.” Wow! She didn’t win the competition, but she made it all the way to the top five. And a man would be crazy not to want to date this gorgeous, honest woman.
So at what point do you admit to your date exactly who you are? Right up front? What if she’s turned off when she finds out you wear lifts in your shoes to look a little taller? What if he would dump you here and now if he found out you voted Republican in the last election? What if she knew you were in AA? What if… what if…
Most dating lies stem from one basic fear: the fear of rejection. If he/she knew who I really was (a “mature” older woman), what I really feel (I’m crazy about her but I have to maintain my strong independent stance), what I really think (I’m Mensa and he’s a bit of a dullard, but really good in bed), or what I really want (babies! lots of babies!), he/she would take off running and never look back.
You don’t think too highly of yourself, do you? Or conversely, about the person you’re dating. What chance does that give you of sustaining a deeply intimate, loving relationship?
A lack of self-esteem comes from the mistaken belief of “I’m not enough.” It’s a common lie we all tell ourselves at some point in our lives, and one that has destroyed more relationships than any other. It’s the lie that says what the other person feels/thinks/wants is more important than what I feel/think/want. It’s the foundation lie on which all the others build.
The truth is that you should be proud of who you are – the challenges you’ve managed to overcome in your life, and the obstacles that have made you trip and fall. Honor yourself. Love yourself. You are a wonderful person. If he/she doesn’t like you, someone else will appreciate you for who you are!
