Live Your Dream

Everyone wants to be happy and live a joyful and fulfilling life. So what’s stopping you? And what can you do to ensure that you live your dream?

The first step is actually defining your dream. Do you know what you really want? Are you happy with your job, your relationships, your health? Is it more important at this point in your life to find some personal security or to do good in the world no matter the cost? Be truthful with yourself as you clarify your desires.

Then see what’s standing in the way of realizing your dream. Did someone put it down, tell you no, stop you in some way from “following your bliss?” I remember being a junior in college and telling my guidance counselor I wanted to be a lawyer like my dad. He said,“You’re dreaming! With your grades, you don’t stand a chance.” Instead of letting him be an obstacle in my path, I took his words as a challenge and did what I had to do to become a successful lawyer.

It’s especially important to clear out old unconscious ways of thinking. For example, a man at one of my recent seminars said he’d always been stopped from doing what he wanted by a lack of money. In fact, what was really stopping him was the way he was living out a family trait he had inherited of Depression-era thinking. When I brought this up, he said,“You’re right! My whole family’s attitude that there’s never going to be enough is based on my parents having lived through the Depression.” I gave him visualizations and affirmations so he could work actively on reversing this old glass-half-empty stance.

Stand strong in your own truth. Have a real conviction about what is right for you. Even set-backs or seeming failures along the way shouldn’t stop you. See them simply as part of the learning curve, another step along the road to your ultimate success

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Healing Goes Mainstream

Los Angeles, CA (August 2005)

Once upon a time, the word “healing” was met with suspicion, skepticism, or outright scorn. People associated healers with ads in sensationalistic tabloids, or perhaps with exploitative tent revivals designed to part the faithful with their money. If one did consult a healer, the encounter was shrouded in secrecy. To openly discuss such matters was to risk being labeled a “flake.” But for a growing number of ordinary Americans, that attitude is changing. Healing is going, well,mainstream .

My clients are sophisticated and successful, not gullible or ‘flaky’ by any stretch of the imagination. They are simply people who have come to realize that their body and spirit are crying out for help, and they’ve decided to answer that call.”

“Energy Medicine” is a healing art that involves unblocking certain areas of the energy field that surrounds the body. It treats a variety of chronic and acute conditions, from depression to heart disease to cancer to reproductive disorders. While robust perfect health cannot always be restored,“healing” and “curing” are not necessarily synonymous. Almost everyone reports some improvement. And some clients experience dramatic results, such as cancer going into remission.

What accounts for the surge of interest—open, unabashed interest—in the hard-to-quantify subject of healing? Why is the “H-word” coming out of the closet and into the light?

Conventional medicine isn’t working. Most of us acknowledge that America’s healthcare system is broken. And most of us are well aware that pills and surgeries aren’t meeting our healing needs. Conventional treatments may relieve symptoms, but they seldom get to the root of an illness. By addressing blockages in the energy field, energy healing treats problems at their source. I consider traditional doctors to be partners in healing. But when we are empowered at a soul level, we can learn to join forces with allopathic medicine in helping to heal ourselves.

We’re desperately seeking relief from our stressful, fast-paced lives. Although technology has made our lives “easier” in some ways, it is a double-edged sword. Cell phones and email mean that we are constantly connected to work and to other people. We live in crowded, noisy cities. We sit in traffic jams every day. The demands that our work places on us, not to mention the lack of quiet and solitude, take a toll. It’s hard to pay attention to your inner spirit when you’re thinking about work and responsibilities and bills, 24/7. We know, intuitively, that we’re neglecting something very important.

We’re out of sync with the healing rhythms of nature. We don’t work on farms anymore, so we’ve lost the benefits of physical labor, fresh air and sunshine, exposure to the changing seasons. We don’t have the rejuvenating “down time” that comes from going to bed at sunset. We miss out on the pleasure of eating tomatoes and strawberries grown in soil worked with our own hands. We’re disconnected from the natural cycles of life that our ancestors took for granted. All of this is at odds with what our bodies and spirits crave. Healing speaks to these needs that are going unmet.

Women are disconnected from their femininity. Women have “made it” in the business and professional worlds, and that’s a good thing. The problem is that we’ve become clones of men. Women work hard all day and barely have time for our children in the evenings. We no longer prepare big nourishing meals, or relax with delicate needlework, or enjoy long, rambling conversations with our friends while we shell peas on the front porch. Our deep feminine needs to nurture, to create, to connect emotionally with our sisters are being neglected. Healing helps restore the balance we need to be powerful, secure, happy women.

Globalization makes us open to ideas from other cultures. The advent of the Internet and the forces of globalization have resulted in some significant cultural crossover. It’s not surprising that our Western attitudes are becoming more “Eastern-ized.”“While Energy Medicine is quite Western in its origins, Americans are embracing many holistic practices that spring from ancient Asian and Indian cultures. It’s not uncommon for residents of small rural towns to schedule regular Thai massage sessions or for stressed-out New Yorkers to pursue Ayurvedic harmony. All these healing techniques are right at our fingertips. I did a Web search on the word ‘Qi’—the word for energy in Chinese medicine—and got almost four million results in less than a second.

Science is beginning to recognize the connection between spirituality and health. Studies have proven the effectiveness of prayer. Medical schools are beginning to offer courses on religious and spiritual issues. Physicians are finally acknowledging the powerful connections between body, mind, and spirit. Small wonder that “alternative” practices like meditation, yoga, acupuncture, and, of course, Energy Medicine have gained new credibility. The irony is that these practices are far from new. In fact, they are ancient. We’ve come full circle.

So, will the day come that people book appointments with a healer as matter-of-factly as they now see their hairstylist or their chiropractor? Undoubtedly.

I believe America is at a turning point. Our current attitudes toward physical, emotional, and spiritual well-being are unsustainable. I mean, there is clearly something wrong when so many of us pop antidepressants like they’re breath mints and consider that normal. I really believe that, in the very near future, the word ‘alternative’ will be a misnomer. It will be the new ‘normal.’ And we, as individuals and as a society, will be all the better for it.

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Truth & Beauty

August 2, 2007

Can We Dye Our Hair, Get Breast Implants, Wear Acrylic Nails, and Still Live a Truthful Existence?

And why not? The outer appearance of beauty – perfect hair, perfect breasts, perfect nails, and of course the perfect figure (whatever that may look like to you) – have little to do with the inner beauty that shines forth when we are living our real truth. What matters most is how we feel about ourselves inside our skins. If a little liposuction would help, then by all means, go ahead

However, that’s not to say that the outer manifestation – how we present ourselves to the world – doesn’t indicate in some measure how we feel about ourselves inside. If a man feels powerless because he’s losing his hair, will a toupee or hair implants make him feel like more of a man? Would Donald Trump still be The Donald without his signature way of keeping hair on his head? Would the man whose name fronts some of the most expensive real estate in the world feel insecure if he faced the world bald?

What do your attempts at beauty indicate about yourself? Do you assume you’ll be rejected by men if you can’t fill a DD cup? Why do you think that? Do you hide under baggy clothes because you’re overweight and ashamed? Do you think you couldn’t possibly go on a job interview if a nail is chipped?

Beauty, as the saying goes, is in the eye of the beholder. Look at yourself in a mirror – a well-lit mirror! Stop moaning and groaning. What is the reflection telling you? Can you see love and compassion for yourself streaming from your eyes? Do you see your intelligence, your creativity, your shining soul? Or are you inundated with self-loathing? If all you can see in the mirror are your “faults” – the extra pounds, the grey hairs, wrinkles, too many freckles, drooping breasts, whatever – there’s an inner truth that you’re hiding from. And a plastic surgeon or anti-aging treatments or a new hair color won’t change whatever lie you’re telling yourself.

As a high-powered lawyer, I used to wear expensive clothes to cover the shame of drinking too much and winding up in strange beds, not realizing that what I was really trying to cover up – with my entire lifestyle – was the sexual abuse I had experienced as a child.

So look long and hard in the mirror. Wherever you find a part of yourself you don’t like, see if you can find out why. What fear, what insecurity, what shame is staring back at you? Dig deeper. Write about it in your journal. What memories arise? Go deeper. Strip away the lies and find your truth. You’ll may amazed at how that reflection in the mirror changes.

Can you still dye your hair? Of course! Find out if blondes do have more fun. Lose some weight and get to buy new clothes (while lowering your cholesterol and making your doctor happy). But know that your true beauty radiates from your truth!

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Slowing Down

Is it possible to slow our lives down without quitting the job, selling the house, and running away with the circus?

Actually, throwing your life out the window isn’t the answer. Because no matter where you run, you take yourself with you. Do you know what I mean? You can say you are frazzled because of traffic, or your coworkers, or you don’t love your job. But then you realize that some of the frazzle is coming from inside you. That isn’t easy, but it is freeing to say,“Wow. Some of this craziness is my own! There are things I can do to take that wasted energy out of the situation. I am not the victim here. I am an active participant!” It can be a shock, I know.

If you want to be free from that feeling of running on the hamster wheel, swimming upstream, riding in a canoe with no paddle, what can we do? Is it really something we can change?

Here are a couple of simple but effective things to put into your life if you are serious about wanting release.

A lot of it is about time. There is a fixed amount of time each day, and we just can’t cram more minutes into an hour. Time is not the enemy, it is a tool we can use to live life fully. Fully, not crammed and overflowing. Too many of us are beating ourselves up believing we fail each day, because we are trying to do the work of three people. Trying to please everyone or to be in two places at once is a very damaging cycle. So the first thing is to realize that we can’t do it all. We can do a lot, and we can feel successful, but we just can’t do it all.

Next, we have to value self-care. Use some kind of a plan book, something rather detailed, and schedule the top three self-care items you have been neglecting. Seriously! You know what they are, whether it is more sleep, a decent meal, or an overdue physical exam, schedule them like an appointment with someone important. We may have to sort of pretend that part at first, that the appointment is with someone important. Many of us have tossed our own personal needs in the back of a closet somewhere, and now we have to learn to meet those needs all over again. And it really is okay to start out that way, if that’s what it takes.

Sure, maybe you look okay on the outside; I’ve done that, believe me! But it doesn’t matter if your nails are painted, your hair is coiffed, and your suit is pressed. If your stomach is in a knot and your head is spinning, you are not fooling yourself. You just can’t lie to your body.

Once you get some self-care scheduled, it is time to get some quiet time into your day. Put the brakes on for a few minutes, sit still, and either look at a soothing view or image or close your eyes. Just breathe. Listen to your breath and notice if your chest is tight or relaxed, see where your shoulders are. Get to know what is going on with your body, where you are holding the stress in your life … because it is in there somewhere. Each time you do this, your day will benefit, your body will thank you, it will break that cycle for a moment and re-set your priorities.

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We look up to our celebs, hoping that they escape all the problems that the rest of us face, such as loss of love relationships and career dissatisfaction, but they don’t. In Owen’s case, we can speculate that his recent break-up with Kate Hudson, followed by her publicized new romance, could have been the straw that broke the camel’s back.
 In fact, these depressing life events are even more stressful for celebs because they are in the public eye, and that in and of itself causes tremendous stress. It’s one thing to have your girlfriend break up with you, and quite another to have it happen in front of millions of curious onlookers.

Suicide is the 11th most common cause of death in the U.S. One of the best antidotes to thoughts that can lead to suicidal impulses is to find out what we really think. We all lie to ourselves all the time and band-aid over our real feelings so much of the time we don’t even really know how we feel. I travel the country putting on Truth Heals™ seminars, where people can come and really express themselves. There they find a safe place to get in touch with their real feelings. Feelings like jealousy or resentment, if not addressed, can lead to depression and suicidal thoughts.

Other possible causes of suicidal thoughts are side effects from both street and prescription drugs. (Paradoxically, suicidal impulses are a side effect to some major anti-depressive drugs!) The drugs can leave someone very imbalanced from any major stress, from divorce to job loss to a death in the family. Any trauma can cause significant clinical depression that can lead to suicidal thoughts. I worked with a man at a seminar in NY who had become suicidal after a bout with heat stroke. It can be something that simple.

Another celeb hazard lies, oddly enough, in their very talent. Owen is actually a very talented writer; he was nominated for an Academy Award for his screenplay,“The Royal Tennebaums.” It’s a fact that the more talent a person has, the more likely they will have complex and troubling emotions. Think Virginia Woolf and Hunter Thompson, Halle Berry and Rosie O’Donnell—all have been wracked by depression.

Then there’s that special comedic talent – unfortunately,just below laughter, there are always tears. It takes someone who can feel deeply to make us laugh. Owen is the clown archetype in modern dress. Chances are, he’s been creating laughs because he may tend toward depression. Think John Belushi and Robin Williams. The clown archetype, throughout history, has always been, underneath, a really sad, troubled figure; he makes us laugh to take himself away from his own deeply felt pain. As both a gifted writer and talented actor, it’s no wonder Owen Wilson has had such a hard time staying balanced.

What about fact that his family is famous? This could very well be another factor for Owen. When we think of a safe haven, many of us think of home. But if home involves a lot of competition, expressed or not, it won’t feel safe. It will be just another pressure cooker.

With Owen Wilson, underlying his sporadic reported drug use is depression, and below that festers his real problems, admittedly rooted in self-esteem issues. Owen’s habit of “disappearing” when he is troubled is the worst thing any of us can do to avoid depression; that can lead us to drugs and alcohol.

I urge those who feel depressed or hopeless to talk, whether with a therapist or with family or friends or in a 12-step program – or even by calling 911. Just don’t stop talking. Our fear can really run away with us when we clam up. Don’t feel any shame about it either – there’s no shame in feeling down or lost. If someone you know threatens suicide, always take it seriously and get them help immediately. You won’t be violating their confidence. Those who contemplate suicide aren’t thinking clearly at that moment and will thank you later, when their thinking improves.

In addition to talking about your feelings, another antidote to suicidal thoughts is physical movement, preferably outside. I hold events across the country and work with a lot of very depressed people – depressed about their lives, their health, their lack of prosperity. I help them find that connection back to nature – it can be as small as watching a sunset or petting your dog. Pets are one of the best ways to stay emotionally balanced.

Know that deep depression and suicidal thoughts can happen to anyone, even someone as apparently successful and happy as Owen Wilson. Our thoughts are with him today.

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What could Anna-Nicole Smith have done differently to avoid such an untimely death?

I wish I could have been there for her, so that she could have begun the process of turning her life around from tragedy to happiness. She had all the earmarks of an abusive childhood; on one interview a few years ago, she indicated that her refusal to speak to her mother was linked to childhood abusive experiences at the hands of her stepfather. One can only speculate about what really went on there.

With nothing to rely on but her looks, which is a fact for so many of us women, she turned to drugs and alcohol to ease feelings of insecurity that plagued her. Despite all of her gifts and accomplishments and beauty, she saw herself as poor and uneducated and needed someone like Howard K. Stern to keep her together. The older she got, the more insecure she became about her beauty– just like her mentor, Marilyn Monroe. Like Marilyn, she had a string of men; like Marilyn, she alternated between pure seduction and helplessness. Also like Marilyn, I can discern Anna Nicole suffered from the fear of being alone and of being controlled. So her whole relationship with Howard K. Stern was conflicted, with her need for companionship competing with her resentment about his overly controlling nature.

Where she could have turned it around was by getting in touch with her core truth about her abusive childhood. At my public Truth Heals™ events, I help people find the core truth that is robbing them of health and wealth and happiness. Anna Nicole had her whole childhood really bottled up, and that’s likely why she ended up with a substance abuse problem. If she had been able to keep her friends and family close (which Howard didn’t allow, with his controlling issues), she might have felt safe enough to get the professional help she needed to get free of her drug addictions.

If she had been free of drugs, it would have been unlikely that her son, Daniel, would have died from a Methadone overdoes that day. All of us can see that it was likely the death of her son that finally pulled her down. Even with that beautiful baby girl there for her, she was dealing with overwhelming grief at the loss of her son, and very possibly self-blame for his death.

By identifying herself with Marilyn Monroe, she actually connected energetically to that pattern of tragic early death from questionable causes. That is, she used the Law of Attraction here to her detriment.

It would have been so easy to help Anna Nicole to connect instead to a healthy pattern like that of Jane Fonda. Jane conquered an eating disorder and a history of controlling men (all the way from her father to Ted Turner) to become a great example of a self-empowered woman; she speaks her mind in a fascinating autobiography,My Life So Far. Anna Nicole, had she had the same opportunities, could certainly have turned out the same. It’s important that we, as a culture, all focus on her life and death because it teaches us about the dangers of denying our own truths.

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