Category : Deborah King

Seven Steps to Finding Love

You have to love yourself before you can get into a healthy relationship with another. Feeling good about yourself and who you are is a vital part of finding the right person for you.

Let’s look at how the process of love works in order to understand why loving yourself, or at least liking yourself, is important. When you initially meet someone, you want them to be enamored with you. You want them to think about you at least as much as you think about them; you want to feel desired. That feeling, however, will fade over time, usually much faster than you would like to believe. At most, initial infatuation lasts six months. The next thing we want from our partner is to be seen for who we are. It’s no good having someone fall in love with something we’re not; this dooms the relationship to failure. We want our partners to understand and accept us for exactly who we are. How, though, are they going to love you if you aren’t being you?

Say you are a woman, and you meet a guy you like. You suddenly become a shadow of your real self in his presence, either stronger or weaker than you really are. The time will come, eventually, when he will discover that you are not exactly what you made yourself out to be. He will become disillusioned and may want to end the relationship.

This is one reason that men often have an easier time finding and keeping dates than women do. Thanks to their genetic makeup, men are much more likely to like themselves for who they are. They behave around a woman exactly as they would when they were alone, allowing women to see who they truly are with no illusions or any change of attitude.

Women are also pressured to look a certain way. In 2010, of the 21.7 million cosmetic surgical and nonsurgical procedures that were performed in the United States, over 90% were done on women – breast augmentations, liposuction and Botox leading the way. And plastic surgery is on the rise.

If you want to find the ideal partner, it is vital that you like yourself for who you are. Try these seven steps to feel better about who you are, making it easier to reveal your true self to someone you meet.

1. Respect yourself.  This is actually difficult for many people. We are living in a society where we are taught to give respect to others but are not generally encouraged to give ourselves respect. It is vital to learn to respect yourself and to know that you are worthy of respect from someone else based on your qualities as a human being, not on your worldly success or your appearance.
2. Set goals.  Setting goals is a great way to help you to feel better about who you are and to learn to respect yourself. You should have two lists: one for short-term goals and one for long-term goals. As you work on these goals and complete them, cross them off of your list. You will feel proud of your accomplishments and see that you are worthy of respect.
3. Let go of fear.  Fear is what keeps us from doing the things we enjoy. Fear is behind every attempt to cover up our real selves. We are afraid someone won’t like us if they see who we really are. Letting go of fear is a process that is accelerated as we release our emotional wounds; that’s one of the things I help people do at workshops.
4. Clear the energy from past relationships. If we don’t clear the energy from our past relationships out of our personal energy field, the one that surrounds your body, that old relationship can slow you down or make you feel confused, unfocused, unhappy, lethargic, or even make you sick and toxic. I can teach you shamanic exercises to help you clear that old energy.
5. Stop criticizing yourself! Self-criticism never helps anything. Make a pact that you will no longer put yourself down. This will not only relax you but will also help you to look and feel better.
6. Love the body you are in. The pressure that society and the media put on everyone can make it difficult to feel comfortable in your own skin. Most of us worry about some part of our body being not right—our nose, our hair, our height, and especially our weight. In fact, as long as you are eating a healthy diet and getting enough exercise to allow your body to work properly, you should stop trying to be something you are not and learn to enjoy your body.
7. Develop your inner strength. Have you ever seen a young birch tree in a heavy wind? It bends. While harder trees crack and break, a birch tree sways and is still standing when the wind is done. This is because there is an inner core of flexible strength in the willow, which is what you should work on cultivating for yourself. Find that inner strength so that you can bend and sway with the changes in your life without breaking. We find our strength by uncovering and releasing the difficult emotions we have suppressed throughout our lives and seeing that living in our personal truth is the source of our true strength.

Once you like yourself, then you are able to enjoy a healthy relationship with another. Like all good things, it takes time to be able to truly like who you are, but once you do you will find that everything will change, even your relationships!

Determining Your Ayurvedic Dosha

Determining Your Dosha

To get started on a deeper exploration of Ayurveda and the wisdom it holds for your health and well-being, take the following quiz to find out which doshas are most prominent in you.

Instructions: For the 20 statements listed below each dosha, mark from 1 to 3 how accurately the statement fits you.

1 = Doesn’t fit me

2 = Fits me partially or part of the time

3 = Fits me very accurately or most of the time

At the end of each dosha section, tally your total score for that dosha by adding up the individual scores within that dosha. Then when you get to the end of the quiz, compare your scores for the three doshas.

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VATA

1. _____ I have a tall, thin or small-boned build; I don’t gain weight very easily.
2. _____ I have a tendency toward anxiety or worry.
3. _____ My least favorite kind of weather is cold weather.
4. _____ I develop gas or become constipated easily.
5. _____ Left to my own devices, my eating & sleeping habits are often irregular.
6. _____ My hands and feet tend to be cold.
7. _____ I typically walk more lightly and quickly than others.
8. _____ I like to be active; sometimes it’s hard for me to sit still.
9. _____ My hair tends to be dry.
10. _____ My tendency is to eat quickly, and I have a delicate digestion.
11. _____ My sleep is light and interrupted; I may even suffer from insomnia.
12. _____ I learn things quickly but tend to forget them quickly as well.
13. _____ I am easily excited.
14. _____ My moods change quickly.
15. _____ Decision-making tends to be difficult for me.
16. _____ My nature is to be enthusiastic and vivacious.
17. _____ My mind is very active, sometimes restless, but also very imaginative.
18. _____ My speech pattern is quick and people say that I’m talkative.
19. _____ I tend to have dry, rough skin, particularly in winter.
20. _____ My energy comes in bursts and I get worn out easily.

VATA SCORE ___________

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PITTA

1. _____ I am a perfectionist by nature.
2. _____ I tend to perform activities with a high level of precision and order.
3. _____ Hot weather makes me especially uncomfortable or causes me to quickly become fatigued.
4. _____ I really enjoy cold foods, like ice cream, as well as cold drinks.
5. _____ When conflicts arise, I tend to become intense, impatient, and irritable.
6. _____ Skipping or delaying meals makes me very uncomfortable.
7. _____ Whether I show it or not, I am easily annoyed and quick to anger.
8. _____ My hair is fine, thin, and reddish or blonde and prematurely grayor balding.
9. _____ I don’t tolerate spicy foods well.
10. _____ I tend to be quick to perspire.
11. _____ I tend to be stubborn.
12. _____ I am fairly strong and can handle many physical activities.
13. _____ My bowel movements are regular; I am more likely to have loose stools than constipation.
14. _____ I am more likely to feel that a room is too hot than too cold.
15. _____ I thrive on challenges and am determined to achieve my goals.
16. _____ My hands tend to be warm.
17. _____ Under stress, I can be quick to anger and am often critical of both myself and others.
18. _____ My appetite is strong, and I can eat pretty much anything I want to without problem.
19. _____ I tend to maintain my weight without much effort.
20. _____ I tend to gather many facts before forming an opinion.

PITTA SCORE ___________

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KAPHA

1. _____ My physique is large and solid.
2. _____ I sleep deeply and for long periods of time.
3. _____ I gain weight very easily, sometimes it seems just by looking at food.
4. _____ Skipping meals is easy and not typically uncomfortable.
5. _____ I need a full 8 hours of sleep in order to function well the following day.
6. _____ I am typically groggy in the morning and slow to get my day started.
7. _____ I frequently suffer from sinus problems, asthma, chronic congestion, excess mucus or phlegm.
8. _____ I tend to be sensitive and affectionate, sweet and forgiving.
9. _____ I have smooth, oily, moist skin.
10. _____ Cold, damp weather affects me adversely.
11. _____ It’s my nature to be calm and slow to anger.
12. _____ My weight tends to be above average for my build.
13. _____ I tend to do things slowly and methodically, in a relaxed and leisurelymanner.
14. _____ I learn slowly but my retention and memory are good.
15. _____ My general disposition is easy-going—it takes a lot to fluster me orstress me out.
16. _____ I eat and digest slowly.
17. _____ I have dark, thick, wavy hair.
18. _____ My stamina and endurance are strong, and I enjoy a steady energylevel.
19. _____ The gait of my walk is generally slow, steady, and leisurely.
20. _____ My reaction to conflict is to get lazy or depressed.

KAPHA SCORE ___________

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FINAL SCORE

Vata ________ Pitta ________ Kapha ________

Understanding your results: If your primary dosha is extremely prominent, with a score as much as twice as high as your second dosha (for example, Vata–55, Pitta–21, Kapha–19), you are a single-dosha type. If no dosha is extremely dominant (for example, Vata–34, Pitta-55, Kapha–29), you are a two-dosha type, with the leading dosha coming first in your body-type name. If all three doshas are nearly equal (for example, Vata–43, Pitta–38, Kapha–46), you are the rare three-dosha type.

Have fun!

To learn more about your Dosha score and Aryuveda, check out my online Energy Medicine Program where I teach all that in level 2.

Adieu Hubert

I first met my future father-in-law, Hubert, at 6:00 a.m. one beautiful July morning nearly 40 years ago when Eric, my new French boyfriend, and I arrived by train in Grenoble, France. The gallant Hubert, dapper in a three-piece suit, tie and tennis shoes (I later discovered this was somewhat of a uniform), met us at the station. We had foolishly hopped the train in the late afternoon the day before in Paris without securing seat assignments and ended up sitting in the aisle on our suitcases all night. This particular train, the “milk run,” had stopped in every nook and cranny as it meandered along toward the French Alps.

A man of education and culture, oddly enough, Hubert spoke not one word of English. I, on the other hand, spoke not one word of French and was discovering just how unhandy that was. Hubert, always courtly, bowed, kissed my hand in the old-fashioned French tradition, and immediately stole his way into my heart.

As he drove us from the station, he asked me what I wanted to do and being very young and full of energy, despite sitting up all night, I replied, “play tennis!” Despite the early hour, he took us straight to a tennis court, where I found him to be quite an accomplished player.

A designer with his own advertising firm, Hubert’s formal education had been in art and engineering. But during World War II, he had to resort to running his father’s leather business to try to make ends meet, with a wife and six hungry mouths to feed. By the time I met him, however, he was quite comfortable and he and his family divided their time between an apartment in Grenoble and a summer home in St. Ismier, a charming nearby village.

From the tennis court we headed for the summer home. You can imagine the surprise of this teenage California girl when we arrived at an enormous three-story French chateau that had once been a monastery. Formerly the chapel, a cross still hung over the claw foot tub in the bathroom, a tub so enormous it took nearly an hour to fill with water. There was only a single toilet in a dank closet for the 8-bedroom residence—indoor plumbing was unknown when the structure had been built—which was inconvenient but terribly French and picturesque. The gardens were filled with wild flowers and amazing butterflies with views of the Alps from every balcony.

Each weekday at noon, Hubert drove out from the city to the summerhouse for le déjeuner, the main meal of the day. The food was fantastique! Course after course, beginning with, for example, un pâté de foie gras, followed by a simple soupe de poisson, next the entrée, perhaps l’entrecôte picked up that morning at the local boucherie, garnished with mint and surrounded by des petites pommes de terre. We would chat and rest a bit, clear the big table where the entire family sat (all the siblings and their families would come visit in the summer), up to 25 of us at a time, and then continue with the meal, with la salade, les fromages (an entire course all of its own, with at least 6 or 8 cheeses to choose from), with une bagette from a nearby boulangerie, then les fruits, and finally, le desert, perhaps une tarte aux pommes straight out of the oven, followed by un cafe out on the terrace. I joined Hubert in the smoking of Gauloise, cigarettes so strong they made my head spin (which I was loathe to admit).

At the table, the family would speak of art and religion and politics and music and sports, especially the sports of skiing and mountain climbing, my personal favorites. After a few hours listening to la famille, I had picked up a few words and phrases and, always wanting to be part of the action, I leapt right into the lunch conversation by boldly exclaiming “comme excitée d’être en France!“ (how exciting to be in France!) Hubert and the rest of the family chuckled in amusement. I later learned that “exciter” is a verb that refers to sexual excitement, not at all the meaning I was trying to convey.

On the weekends, my father-in-law would paint. A gifted water colorist, Hubert could knock out one amazing watercolor after another in less than an hour. It was breathtaking to watch. He could have had a career as an artist, but he treated it more like a hobby, perhaps fearing it would not have been stable enough income for a man with so many children. I attended shows of his work in France and realized that he had quite a gift. And his artistic talents did not end there: he was also a sculptor and a musician, playing an ancient instrument that predated the violin.

We made annual treks to visit la famille every year, and each time my French would improve. A frantically busy lawyer and sports enthusiast at home in the US in those early, heady days of marriage, I never could seem to find the time to make a proper study of the language. Each time we returned to France, it was a shock stepping off the plane in Paris and suddenly switching into this very foreign language. My French husband, otherwise quite pliable, refused to speak more than one language at a time (either English or French, but never the twain shall meet) so I was totally on my own once the plane had landed. Accents are easy for me to imitate, so I sound great but often don’t have a clue what I’m saying or what is being said to me. Many was the time I thought we were heading for le club but would find myself instead at le cathedral!

Hubert and my mother-in-law visited us in the U.S. every year. This was quite a shock to a young American bride, not accustomed to regular month-long family visits, a European tradition. My in-laws were intrepid travelers, ready to follow us to the base of our frequent mountain climbs. Hubert was always game for hiking the highest mountain or heading out on the longest bike ride, even well into his early 90’s. On one memorable trip, we had stopped for gas early on in the 5-hour trip, and when we arrived home, our beloved dog, Dolly, was missing from the car. Hubert had let her out of the car at the gas station, then forgotten to put her back in—one of the many cultural differences I encountered over the years.  It was a long drive back to pick up a very small dog.

On one of his many visits to the U.S., when Hubert was in his 80’s, I was studying with a spiritual teacher who lived about an hour away from our home. One day, I invited him to go with me and I recall his utter surprise to find that she, in her 90’s, was even older than he. He was totally game for almost anything intellectual and loved having a long discussion about spirituality. And though I had learned passable French in the meantime, sufficient for day-to-day conversation, I wasn’t ever really able to converse at his more philosophical level. Even so, Hubert was always delighted to see me and easy to have around. He had been very stern with his own children in their youth, as was the tradition of his time, but age had softened him considerably.

In fact, during Hubert’s last ten years he changed a lot.  Very much like the four stages of life as described in Hinduism—the student, the householder, the retired person, and finally the ascetic—Hubert entered the fourth stage and became the ascetic. After 65 years of marriage, his wife died. They had long ago sold the magnificent summerhouse, the apartment in Cannes, the grand apartment in Grenoble, and, in the European tradition, lived frugally on the proceeds, never adopting our American more profligate, spendthrift ways. Hubert, not wanting to be encumbered by possessions in his final years, ultimately gave away the last few possessions he owned—his watercolors, his sculptors, his furniture—and moved into a monastic setting, a home for retired priests. He even gave up the Catholic guilt that had caused him so much unhappiness in life. His prolific letters, always poetic and philosophical, became even more focused on the meaning of life.

He got more real—the courtly manners, which had often disguised his real emotions, no longer hid anything. Rather than medicate himself in his final years, as we are inclined, he stayed as aware as possible, even after he fell off his bike at 90 and needed a hip replacement. He cheerfully spoke of being ready to die and did so yesterday, just a few hours shy of his 95^th birthday. He was a shining example of the spiritual resurgence that can come towards the end of life.

Adieu Hubert.

Meditation: Reverse the Ravages of Time

Have you ever daydreamed of turning back the clock to a more youthful, more energetic, more carefree time in life? Or perhaps having at your disposal a magical cosmic Undo button that could erase certain effects that have accumulated over the course of time—from stress, abuse, or other erosive habits that have left you with less than perfect health or a waning enthusiasm for life.

I experienced the need for a second chance at a clean slate earlier in life than most. I was only 25 when I received a diagnosis of cancer. That cancer was just the last in a whole host of serious problems I’d had. Those of you who are familiar with my story know that I had a horrendous childhood filled with sexual and emotional abuse. I’m certain I had post-traumatic stress disorder by the time I was four. By my teenage years, I was a complete wreck. At that point, I began doing everything possible to numb my feelings and run from them—I smoked, drank, took drugs, and acted out promiscuously. I was anxious. I was depressed. When my cancer announcement came, it was really time for a change. By then, I needed some truly powerful help to undo all that I had been through so that I could continue to live.

Amazingly, I found it—the way to turn back time and release the many effects of all of the stress that my mind and body had endured. That way was meditation. A daily practice of 20 minutes, twice a day, gave me much more clarity to address my disease and ultimately helped me to heal my cancer, release my addictions, and end my destructive streak and get on my true life path. I can honestly say that meditation is the best thing I have ever done for myself. So much so, that I haven’t missed a single day of it in 30 years.

I am not alone in this discovery. Science and religion alike have studied and documented the vast numbers of benefits of meditation, revealing that meditation has a positive effect on people suffering from or at risk for many physical and mental health conditions, including high blood pressure, atherosclerosis, congestive heart failure, stroke, diabetes, menopause, ADHD, memory loss, anxiety, obesity, and much more. It was even found to be twice as effective in helping people to quit smoking than the other popular remedies. Given that smoking is the number one cause of preventive death in the U.S., this is no small benefit! The studies also show advantages in other areas of our lives, such as making us more effective on the job and in school.

So what is meditation and how does it create so much good for our bodies and minds?

A big part of meditation’s success on improving conditions like those listed above is its powerful ability to reduce and release stress, as stress is often a precursor to so many of our physical and emotional problems. But the manner in which it does this happens at a lot deeper level than many people might think. Meditation works at the level of our consciousness.

There are four states of consciousness: waking, sleeping, dreaming, and meditating. So, meditation is actually a different state of consciousness from our waking life. It is a far more expanded state. Many people think that the purpose of meditation is to tune out, to get away from it all. While that’s partially true, the real purpose of meditation is actually to tune in—to take the journey into expanded consciousness that meditation provides.

Meditation expands our consciousness by helping us to get into the space, the gap, between our thoughts and taps into the incredible energy that exists there. So you have a thought, and then another thought, but between the two, there’s a little space. According to the ancients, this space between the thoughts is the portal to the infinite intelligence of the universe, our Source. Some people call this energy “Spirit”; some call it “God”; some call it the “Universal Energy Field” or the “Unified Field.”

Once you get into that gap, you’ll find that, through this all-pervasive web of energy, everyone and everything is connected to everything else. You also discover that this universal field of energy is unlimited; it’s pure potential, and anything can be accomplished when you’re connected to it.

When we connect to the Unified Field through meditation, our bodies and psyches are cleared, leaving us refreshed, restored, and balanced. Just 20 minutes of meditation offers as much rest as 1-2 hours of sleep! The effect is truly a turning back of the clock, where we look and feel healthier and younger.

We can experience other profound changes by tapping into the Unified Field through meditation. To heal ourselves and fix our lives, we need information. We need to root out the true cause of what is ailing us, and find the most expeditious and effective route to a cure. I certainly learned this with my experience of cancer. When you tap into the Unified Field, you are accessing life’s great encyclopedia—where every fact of the universe, past, present and future, exists and is accessible. You are also connecting to your own highest wisdom., and the insights that come from meditation help us to heal every area of our lives.

In this way, meditation paves the way for emotional healing. On an energetic level, it helps to remove any blockages that come from holding on to anger and resentment. Meditation thereby ushers in what is perhaps the most crucial part of the healing process, forgiveness. It opens us up to our connection to other people, and to All That Is. In this way, meditation also paves the way for global peace and well-being.

That brings me to the most important reason I can think of to meditate. Even after all of the benefits I’ve touched upon here—the better health, becoming wiser, doing better at school or work, experiencing forgiveness, and having less anxiety, more creativity, greater joy, looking and feeling younger—I still haven’t told you the real purpose of meditation.

The most important outcome of your meditating every day is that by expanding your awareness, by bringing yourself into balance and experiencing greater peace, by raising your consciousness—you are actually assisting every other person and creature on the planet to do the same. Remember, we’re all connected by one vast field of energy. The ripple of energy you send out into the world is a reflection of your inner state of being. Your ripple touches and affects others. If you’re uplifted, you uplift them too. If we’re all in a higher state, we just might feel more inclined to help one another and come up with some harmonious and creative solutions to our global problems. What a different world that would be!

I can’t recommend enough that you learn to meditate—for your own well-being, for those you love, and for making a positive difference on the planet and fulfilling your life’s potential. To be done correctly, meditation must be learned from a qualified teacher; it’s not possible to learn from a book or a CD. If you’d like to learn, please find a qualified teacher in your area, or learn with me; I teach both in person and via live feed over the internet.

For more information on learning to meditate, please click here.

“Girl with the Dragon Tattoo” Movie Review

To be honest, initially I resisted going to see “Girl with the Dragon Tattoo.” It’s rated R for its brutal violent content, including rape and torture (among other things). Normally, watching something like that can cause some serious disturbance to our personal energy fields. But after reading a few reviews, I decided to chance it because of it’s focus on sexual abuse, one of my fields of expertise. I’m glad I went as I found this movie to be a winner for several reasons—and although it was indeed violent, the violence wasn’t at all gratuitous.

One of the things that captivated me about this movie was how inspiring and liberating Rooney Mara was as brilliant computer hacker Lisbeth Salander.  Former investigative reporter Mikael Blomkvist (played by Daniel Craig) hires Salander to help him find out what happened to a woman who went missing as a teenager 40 years previously. In most action movies, it seems like it’s always the 35-year-old white male who saves the day. But not in this one! Mara as the female 20-something Salander steals the spotlight of this riveting whodunit, delivering a potent message to women about intelligence, power, and grace under pressure.

Another reason I found this movie compelling was the accurate way it dealt with sexual abuse and how it runs through generations in a family. As Blomkvist and Salander delve deeper into the mysterious disappearance, they uncover disturbing family secrets that indeed echo the way sexual abuse appears over and over throughout many generations of the same family.

And even though I’ve spent a good deal of my life recovering from this exact kind of abuse, I was startled to find how “triggered” even I was by the film, reminding me that even though we recover from traumatic events, there will be remnants of the event in our psyches forever.

Christopher Plummer does a great job playing the family patriarch whose niece was the missing teenager and who hires Blomkvist to find out what happened to her. The movie—an adaptation of Stieg Larsson’s best-selling novel—is directed by David Fincher and is a remake of the Swedish film of the same name (that came out just two years ago).

Go see it—I guarantee you’ll be on the edge of your seat the entire time. And as soon as you can pry your fingers off of the armrest, go to my Facebook page and tell me what you thought of the ending. See you there!

50/50 movie review

Near the end of 50/50, one of characters asks, “What now?” And that pretty well sums up the theme of this amazing little gem of a cancer film that is a “must see.” Maybe you’re trying to decide whether or not to get in our out of that relationship or job or city or apartment, but you do assume that something will follow. Compare the experience of 27 hear old Adam, played skillfully by Joseph Gordon-Levitt, who has to contemplate a world where there might be nothing coming after “what now.” Really an inconceivable state of affairs to most people, certainly to a twenty-something.

Adam walks into the doctor’s office with a backache and walks out with a grim unpronounceable cancer diagnosis; he researches it on the Internet and finds out his chances are 50/50. But hold on, this film is not depressing. With a brilliant screenplay written by Will Reiser, who had his own successful battle with a similar cancer in his twenties, and co-starring Seth Rogen, hilarious as Adam’s best friend, and coincidentally, Will’s best friend in real life, the two main guy characters create the most real, most entertaining 99 minutes slice of life about cancer you will see.

Seth’s approach is a blend of backslapping friendship and a steady diet of chatter and crude jokes that would entertain even the most distressed cancer patient. (His list of supposed celebs who beat cancer includes Patrick Swazye) Director Jonathan Levine (The Wackness) takes this memoir and smoothly rolls it out without a hitch. The dialogue is spot on and will have you rolling in the aisle. And you’ll love Anna Kendrick (remember her great performance in Up in the Air with George Clooney) as Katie, Adam’s therapist. She’s so young (even younger than he is) that he asks her if he is her first, second or, possibly at best, third patient ever. Other supporting roles that round out this film include Bryce Dallas Howard as Adam’s departing girl-friend; she simply can’t “do” cancer, as many friends and family in real life find they can’t either.

Overall, the film succeeds because it never succumbs to sappy sentiment; often funny, even more often angry, very true to life and well worth seeing. And what really makes it work is the undying (no pun intended) friendship between Adam and Seth, a bro movie through and through. Bring the popcorn and enjoy!

Healing vs. Curing

One of the most important questions you will deal with in your quest to walk the path of the shaman has to do with who gets healed versus who gets cured. And it’s not an easy one, as it can derail your faith in yourself.

While wandering through the woods in the winter of 1858, a shepherd girl named Marie-Bernarde Soubirous saw a beautiful lady in a flowing white robe near a small grotto along the banks of the river Gave de Pau in France. The daughter of devout Christian peasants, the 14-year-old known as Bernadette eventually saw the lady a total of 18 times. The woman told the young girl to advise her village priest to construct a chapel on the site of the encounter. On March 25, 1858, on the occasion of the 16th visitation, the lady revealed herself to be none other than the Blessed Virgin. In an ecstatic trance, Bernadette rose from her knees, walked a few steps, and fell back to the earth, where she began to scrape the ground until a small rivulet of water formed a puddle in the dirt. In the days that followed, the puddle formed a sacred spring and pool that is now the famous healing shrine at Lourdes.

Although Mary told Bernadette that the waters would heal people, the spring did not cure this sickly girl, who suffered from debilitating asthma until her death at an early age. And yet, for 30  years after she passed, Bernadette’s corpse did not decay. To this day, Lourdes is the most visited shrine in all of Christendom, with some six million people making the pilgrimage each year. Within the first 50 years, roughly 4,000 miracle healings were recorded.

Of the 10,000 people who visit the spring at Lourdes each day, why do some dance away from the sacred waters while others depart still dependent on crutches? Why is one woman relieved of alcoholism, never to drink again, while another person who also attends her 12-step group religiously and stays sober for many years suddenly falls off the wagon, stays drunk, and ultimately dies of liver failure? Why do some people get the message, grace, miraculous reprieve, or spontaneous remission . . . and others do not?

As shamans and healers, we make a distinction between a cure —physical recovery and elimination of a disease condition—and a healing, which can occur on spiritual and emotional levels and may not involve a correlating physical resolution. Ideally, both will take place.

The Mystery School I attended taught that the higher self or soul of an individual ultimately makes the choice as to whether or not someone will physically heal. To an extent, I believe this is true. However, I saw that students often took the low road when a physical cure didn’t manifest. Many of them would step back and accept too readily that a tangible result had not occurred, rather than work diligently on raising their own vibratory ability to bring more juice—a stronger connection to Source with a higher potential for healing—to their work. The explanation provided in that environment was: “Your client’s higher self knows best and will decide whether or not to be cured. You, the healer, are not responsible for the choice of the client’s soul.”

I have given this a great deal of thought over the years, and I am bothered when the explanation serves as an easy way out for the healer when a cure doesn’t take place. For a period of time, it was convenient for me to excuse my own failures to effect a cure based on the idea that the client had decided at a soul level not to accept the help. But some part of me remained unconvinced, and I continued to grapple with the issue.

What I’ve come to believe, after working on many tens of thousands of people, is that it is uncommon for someone who is seeking to be cured of a physical condition to be at the point where his or her soul has said, “Time’s up—I need to leave.” So I’ve swung back to my original training: I believe that it’s the healer’s job to make it happen. In my early apprenticeship with Christian healers, I was deeply impressed by the work of Agnes Sanford. In her book The Healing Light,  she explains: “Let us understand then that if our [healing] experiment fails, it is not due to a lack in God, but to a natural and understandable lack in ourselves.” This puts responsibility squarely on the shoulders of the healer.

Suppose I decide to try firewalking and several people in front of me make it across the burning surface without so much as a blister, but my attempt forces me to jump off the red-hot coals with third-degree burns. Are the coals at fault? Self-responsibility requires that I look at my state of mind and heart at the moment I took my first step.

Invariably, in the world of healing there are many individuals who are not physically cured even though they might be emotionally and spiritually healed, and I am constantly humbled by these failures. Fortunately, thanks to those who have successfully walked across the coals ahead of me—Mary Baker Eddy, Agnes Sanford, and Kathyrn Kuhlman, for example—I’m reminded that miraculous healings are indeed possible. This brings me back again and again to focus on my responsibility to forge a stronger and more reliable connection with Divine power.

Copyright notice: Excerpt from pages 165-167 of Be Your Own Shaman by Deborah King, published by Hay House Books. ©2011 by Hay House Books.

Mind vs. No Mind

When I was speaking at a conference not long ago, I met a woman named Sandy. She told me that she was 62 years old and had fallen twice in the previous year, breaking bones each time: a couple of ribs in the first fall and a hip in the second. The doctors told her that she had advanced osteoporosis and, naturally, she was quite worried. Sandy didn’t have any idea what was causing such an advanced case at a relatively young age, so she’d come to me for help.

I began by asking her about her childhood, as I had a vague knowing that somehow it was related to her condition. At the same time, I felt into her energy field using my own body as a sensing mechanism. Sandy said that she was born with a hip deformity and had undergone several corrective surgeries before the age of two. This information dovetailed with what I got when she first walked up to me: a lot of fear and a disconnection from the natural world—that is, she didn’t feel connected to the earth and she wasn’t grounded. I concluded that this was likely the result of her early surgeries’ damaging impact on her base chakra.

In Sandy’s energy field, I sensed that her first chakra was distorted in shape and circling in the wrong direction, which means it was unable to take in energy and caused her to exhibit a distorted view of reality. She thought the nature of the world was trauma and pain and that there was danger lurking around every corner. She was also unable to receive any sustenance from Mother Earth, the source of all our strength and health. This explained the weakness of her bones.

Throughout this process, I went back and forth between “Mind” and “No Mind.” We all know what the first term refers to: when we’re thinking with our left brain. In my Mind, I was reviewing what I knew about the condition of osteoporosis and how it’s often a result of a poorly functioning first chakra. From No Mind—that place in ourselves where we sense and feel, and from which we get our intuitions—I received information from the unified field and all of my senses, both normal and paranormal. This is how I obtained the information about Sandy’s childhood and the fact that the base chakra’s condition was a factor.

Next, I focused my attention directly on her physical body and found that her bones had that porous feel I associate with osteoporosis. Again, I moved between Mind and No Mind to arrive at this conclusion. At this point, I was pretty much done with the intake part of the session.

Working in an expanded state, I checked and deepened the connection with my guides (from years of doing this work, I am linked with them constantly). I specifically requested that they work through me, and then I expanded and raised my own energy field to accommodate their higher vibration. The guides began to resolidify Sandy’s bones, using my body as the vehicle.

At the same time, I “heard” what Sandy needed to do in order to get well. Using that information, I gently explained to her that her bone problems were associated with those early childhood surgeries that had separated her from the earth. Therefore, reconnecting to it would help build bone health. I suggested that she walk barefoot on the beach (she lived very near the ocean) and spend time sitting with her back against a tree. These activities would put her in direct contact with earthly energies to further sustain bone strength.

When the guides had finished their work, I used my focused intention to firmly root Sandy’s first chakra and sacrum directly into the earth. I did this without thinking; for me, it’s as automatic as driving a car or brushing my teeth. I also recommended that she take up a practice like yoga, Pilates, or dance to bring her more fully into her body and aid in keeping the grounded connection I had helped her establish.

Some months later, I heard from Sandy. She reported that she was less anxious, more balanced, and peaceful. She had followed my suggestion and was taking dance classes. She had also formed the habits of eating outside at noon, sitting with her back against a tree, and walking barefoot in the sand at least three times a week. Her osteoporosis tests had improved dramatically, and she no longer needed to take medication for the condition.

Much of the information I received about Sandy, you would have picked up, too. In fact, you’re probably already getting more than you realize about people’s emotions and their health. When you become your own shaman, you will know how to go from getting occasional hunches to having fully developed intuitive skills. These are wonderful gifts of the spirit, and you will know that what you receive is highly accurate. Our culture calls advanced abilities “paranormal” or “beyond the norm,” but that’s only because 99 percent of modern humans have turned these sensing abilities off. The good news is that they can be turned back on rather easily.

Excerpt from Be Your Own Shaman by Deborah King (Hay House 2011)

The Way to Santiago movie review

Watching The Way, which just opened and stars Martin Sheen and is written and directed by his son, Emilio Estevez, reminded me of the many pilgrimages I’ve engaged in over the years. I know you’ll be excited to see this fine film if I tell you it’s the story of a spiritual journey, as well as possibly Martin Sheen’s best performance. (Additionally, it thankfully takes our focus off of the other, less spiritually connected son, Charlie Sheen.)

Sheen, as Tom, goes to the French Pyrenees when he learns of his son’s untimely death, (played in flashbacks by Estevez) thinking to identify and recover the body. Instead, he recovers the real truth about himself and his son as he walks the 500-mile trek from the Pyrenees to the Cathedral de Santiago de Compostela in Spain, the reputed burial place of St. James.

Along the route, he discards his hardhearted skepticism and hooks up with three other pilgrims, finding that compassion and companionship are key ingredients to a happy life. It made me reminisce about the many similar trips I have taken around the globe, making friends along the way as I sought spiritual answers.

Some years ago, Martin Sheen and Estevez’ son, Taylor, drove in the area of the pilgrim route, which isn’t far from where Sheen’s own father was raised. Taylor fell in love on the trip and now lives there with his own family. So it’s not surprising that Sheen and Estevez would be anxious to return to the area, and thought of making a movie about the famous route.

Estevez shot the movie in record time, guerrilla style, on the actual trek and you’ll see the surprise on some of the faces of real pilgrims along the way who recognize Sheen.

I’m sure you’ll like this meditatively paced movie with its stunning cinematography of the Pyrenees Alps and terrific score by Tyler Bates – kick back and enjoy!

Gifts of the Spirit

Once you have examined your beliefs and opened yourself to new possibilities, and even briefly touched the unified field and tasted Oneness, certain abilities may begin to manifest. These expanded faculties have been termed gifts of the spirit, to use the language of religion, or psychic abilities as they are called in the secular world. They are sometimes a testament to, and manifestation of, Source working in and through you. These gifts or skills are typically divided into three categories: teaching gifts, sign gifts, and revelatory gifts.

Teaching gifts are inspiring moments when someone is able to give understanding to another person or group on a specific point of difficulty or a challenge. It’s as though the words are an actual infusion of light and clarity, delivered at exactly the right moment for maximum effect. We saw the beauty of this gift when Martin Luther King, Jr., gave his “I Have a Dream” speech. Delivered from the steps of the Lincoln Memorial, King’s passionate words demanding racial justice and equality electrified America.

His magnetism, sincerity, and emotion—all of which were clearly visible in his body and voice—infused listeners with a deeper recognition of the political and racial situation that was facing the country at that time. More than 40 years later, his words still ring with beauty and truth, awakening us to a vision of what peace could actually mean.

Sign gifts include the gifts of faith, healing, and miracles. They have the power to bring even the most skeptical individuals to their knees.

Finally, we have revelatory gifts, which include prophecy, the ability to sense beyond our reality, and speaking in (and interpreting) tongues. Prophecy here means when a person suddenly communicates with lucidity and authority, where the words are clearly coming from a source outside of him or her. Today, this would be termed discernment in the religious arena (not to be confused with the discernment of examining our beliefs), or channeling in the popular vernacular. We call abilities to sense be- yond the norm paranormal, and that umbrella term includes feel- ing (clairsentience); seeing (clairvoyance); hearing (clairaudience); and touching, tasting, and smelling beyond the usual limits of those senses.

Speaking in tongues involves a spontaneous outpouring of seemingly unrelated sounds that has the energetic effect of connecting the communicator to Source. Often, one person will speak and another, likewise tapped into Spirit, will interpret the tongues. Many years ago, I visited dozens of random churches where I happily participated in this activity. “Tongues” can also be practiced alone as a very intimate form of prayer, often accompanied by a deep sense of joy and communion—it was said to be a favorite of Agnes Sanford. It’s my sense that some indigenous people, with the help of dancing and drums, also speak in tongues when they are connecting to Spirit.

These gifts are always given for the benefit of the community, and not to boost an individual’s ego. Once limited to ascetics and monks, today the gifts are available to all: students, housewives, working people—all manner of regular folks living otherwise ordinary lives, including you!

Copyright notice: Excerpt from pages 67-68 of Be Your Own Shaman by Deborah King, published by Hay House Books.